Get Angry. Get Productive

Last week was rough.

 

Wednesday, the girl I’ve been seeing the most of late told me about another guy. He wants to date her seriously, to which the shenanigans we engage stand glaringly in the way . She says she does not want the fun between us to end, but I knew this day was coming. She calls me her personal sex toy, and our relationship revolves around the bedroom. Something serious for her was bound to come along. Looks like that time is now

 

Thursday, I hopped on my computer to record a podcast (more info on this coming soon!). I was in NY and she was in SF. I was recording a web-meeting for the podcast.  When we logged in my internet decided it wanted to do a throwback to 1999. My connection couldn’t handle the live stream – amateur hour. Nothing got done.


Early Friday I watched the Knicks. As a lifelong New Yorker and basketball fan , the Knickerbockers have a special place in my heart. I’m such a fan in perhaps In perhaps the oddest dream this year, I invited rookie sensation Kristaps Porzingis and his Latvian family to my parents house for dinner (and best pal). Anyway I digress… during the game, the Knicks mysteriously removed my future dinner guest from the entire 4th quarter, and proceeded to evaporate a double digit lead. A 15 year old an unhealthy addiction  to NBA 2K16 would make better coaching decisions.

 

My dating, professional, and sports escapism lives all took hits. The net result? I was pissed. Let me reiterate. P-I-S-S-ED, PISSED! Normally a resolute man, I was on tilt. Thoughts of “Woe is me” crept into my mind. The frustration became overwhelming.

 

I was angry, which was the best thing that could happen to me. Anger spurs energy. That energy I could then point in the direction of something productive. I used it to meet some new women.

I became focused. I cleaned my room until it was cleaner than a sterile laboratory. I assembled my best outfit and put Steely Dan’s Can’t Buy a Thrill on the turntable.  After a 5-minute dance session, I was off to my favorite weekend bar. It features 50’s swing music and a disco ball. Amped from my pre evening ritual, I talked to the first girl I met on the subway. Suzie had just finished studying, and was off to meet a few friends. I told her I was about dance away my week’s frustration under the lights of a disco ball. She laughed and wished me luck. The evening was looking up already.

I arrived an hour before my friend and went straight to the dance floor. I closed my eyes and boogied down like there was no tomorrow. It may not be scientifically proven but trust me, it is impossible to be upset whilst thrusting one’s fingers in the sky under a disco ball.  My anger began to  morph into enthusiasm for the evening, and even starting to get fun
Riding my dance floor high, I spotted someone off to the side, and decided to make a move. Taylor thought I had wonderful dance moves, and dug my purple pants. We have plans to get a drink next Thursday.

I grab a drink and alas, my friends arrive. We catch up the details of our respective weeks and I lament my poor fortune, but this time far more humorously, to the enjoyment of my buddies. The anger had now become simply a prelude to what had turned into quite the entertaining evening, even acquiring a new date. We wrapped up the laughs and return to the dance floor. Katie saw the commotion of our group, and dug how I moved my hips.  We decided to dance. Both enjoying the experience, we decided to meet up on Monday to share more dance secrets.

Floating on a well-deserved high after a week of lows, a new group appeared which included a girl one of my friends is involved with. I’m introduced to said girl and her friend Renea. I talk about baking pastries and fancy coffees. She talks about teaching and California. It’s an enjoyable conversation, but before anything comes of it I’m whisked away to another bar by my buddies

 

Renea had some interesting things to say, so I ask my friend to ask the girl he’s involved with for her number. The next day I find out Renea asked have her number passed my way. Looks the attraction was mutual. We’re going out together this Friday.
Often anger can build as if in a pressure cooker until it becomes so great that the negative energy explodes on next person who remotely makes themselves a target. I, in the situation above, chose to re-direct the anger. When I was angry, I fired channeled my energy to clean. Then to dance. Then to dance some more, and lastly to approach women. Due to the action I took, I began to feel the results my mood slowly improving with each positive step. Once in a positive state, my flirty side took over, and I now have 3 dates to look forward to this week.

If you have the energy, it can be put to constructive use. All the examples above are how I embraced my shitty week to do some good. I implore everyone to do the same.

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Dating “Out Of Your League”

“She’s a model dude. I know she is out of my league, but damn, I would love this girl”

It is a story heard again and again, with me often times the one lamenting the thought. It typically does not end well. This time, it is the situation of a good friend, told over a marginally-intense game of bocce ball.

My friend I speak of has a hell of a lot going for him.  At the young age of 26, he is a director at a company you have heard of, with a team of men hired by him to do the work he thinks is important. These are smart, educated men all his superior in age. He’s fit and has a sense of style. He is the guy women dream of bringing home to mom and dad. Yet here, he had a sudden loss of bravado. In the name of making both his AND this model’s dreams come true, I had something to say…

Think of the life of an entrepreneur. When it’s ones own ship to sail, he/she ponders hard the big risks. Though decisions have to be made, the type of decisions kill the whole venture if wrong. For these fledgling businesses to blossom, core philosophies are developed to guide these thousands of decisions to be made. A company’s identity is developed, and a culture to it arises. Think Steve Jobs getting apple to Think Different as an obvious example of such

Where things go wrong is, once successful, the entrepreneurs who start the business suddenly have something to lose. The lightness and freedom of being an unknown suddenly fades.Worried about losing a status earned over years of nose to the grindstone work,  the previous chutzpah harnessed to take the necessary risks with uncertain results is undermined.  Becoming too precious with their success, puts their efforts into maintaining the status quo. Refusing to adapt any further, they atrophy.  Soon they those philosophy and behaviors that got them to the mountaintop in the first plays. The company then dies a slow, meandering death.

It is fear of losing it all that did these businesses in.  The people who worked so hard to build something real worry that doing anything  drastic may make it all disappear.  Suddenly those behaviors of taking necessary risks to create become safe decisions aiming not to lose. The “Not lose” approach becomes the prevailing wisdom, the company plateaus, then decline no longer armed with the creative driver for growth

Let us go back to the 2000’s. Blockbuster was THE movie rental giant. They were unmovable in their position in society’s go to for a night in with ice cream. Netflix took the scene as a small boutique agency that would mail you DVDs. Netflix was an interesting something new, but inevitably an afterthought to the blue rental giant. Times began to change however and as the internet modems became faster, Blockbuster remained stagnant. Netflix didn’t, building such an impressive streaming library that “Netflix and Chill” is now a cultural code word for “Let’s fuck all night”

Netflix didn’t stop there however. Keeping true to the forward thinking that cemented them as a force to be reckoned, they committed to the ever growing phenomenon of binge watching by commissioning smart people to create original television series to all be released in one big dump, something never done before. I assure you that small mail you a dvd company of the early 00’s considered the winning an Emmy drastically out of the realm of possibility, out of their league if you will. When the opportunity arose though, they didn’t flinch. Staying true to the spirit that gave them the opportunity to compete in originally programming, they put big money into the develop such series.

After a particularly fine Bocce shot that would make many any old italian man proud, I finish off my rant telling my friend to be Netflix, and to play the game that got him the date with the model in the first place. To suddenly play it safe and conservative now, as if he had something to lose, would doom him just like blockbuster. I told him to continue to value his time when it came to dating this girl, and do not suddenly become more accommodating to her wishes. Don’t concede that “She is the one” and start showing her all the nice things he could provide her. Keep to the attitude of not knowing whether she was the girl he wanted. It had only been 2 dates, and impossible amount of time to really know another human being. We do not know yet whether she is worthy of his full attention.

When we perceive ourselves operating “out of our league”, we get conservative. We worry we will blow the opportunity. The truth is, we very well might. There is uncertainty in all things new, especially in a new relationship. I say embrace the risk, and keep true the individual that got you the opportunity in the first place.

Nerding Out: Improve Your Dating Life With Metrics

I recently acquired a fancy GPS running watch –  A Fitbit Surge. It includes a heart rate monitor and a GPS. It tells me how fast I’m running and even buzzes every mile informing my mileage time. When my run is over, it conveniently exports into my computer where I can look at my pace and heart rate per mile. Tomorrow I will do the same, and see if my kale smoothie breakfast affects the numbers. Soon I’ll have a mountain of data, and I can experiment further. Will a pre workout supplement improve my times? Maybe I’m better running in the morning than in the evenings. I plan to start messing around with Heart Rate training to build my endurance. I’ve gotten pretty far with the lace-up the shoes and go model of running. I want to improve though, and do so efficiently. By monitoring the statistics, and can confidently work towards hitting target marathon time come November. Knowledge is power!!!

What does this have to do with dating? Well, the metrics part of my training I borrowed from my dating life. I experienced the biggest improvement when I kept track of my personal stats. (Math nerds, this post is for you.)

Like with my distances ran, I would keep track of how many women I approached in a given month. The goal being to approach at least 30 women with intent.  By intent, I mean someone I actually wanted to go on a date with. This gave me a baseline, and was a measure completely in my control. Next, I put my engineering degree to use. (Finally!) Of those 30 approaches, I tracked the outcomes. What does a positive interaction with a women look like? Well, a phone number, a make-out, a date, doing the hanky panky, or simply a nice long conversation(greater than 5 minutes). Anything really that looking back can be measured works.

There were several benefits to this. First, I was kept accountable to take action 30 times month. Once rolling, I would well surpass my goal, never coming up short. My clients regularly surpass this number in a single day during a one-on-one coaching session, so one month is completely reasonable. I found people to keep me accountable to this as well, and made my efforts known outside myself in some form. A good buddy with the same goal could do this for you. The point of all this is accountability, which is essential development of any new skill.

Suddenly, once I hit 30, I have numbers that gave me an overview of how the month went. The first month being a baseline, I now could see improvement at a glance. Each subsequent month I would work on one aspect of myself, and I could measure the improvement in my dating life. If something didn’t work I dropped it. It became a self-experiment. Did those new boots and fancy leather jacket help? Perhaps a mustached would be good for me (For all of you curious out there yes. Yes! It was.) The bottom line to all of this was I saw the improvement, and could monitor what worked and what didn’t
The beauty of metrics such as these is that they eliminate the deadliest sin to one’s psyche, comparing yourself to others. I made the process all about me. I celebrated my wins, meditated upon my losses, and chugged away until one day all my goals had been met. You should do the same.

Most Importantly of All, Just Do One

 

It’s a new month of a new year. The changing of the lunar calendar can bring pain though. For me, that pain is inconvenience to my workout routine. Whenever i go to the gym in January, the line for EVERYTHING doubles.  People with new year’s resolutions are packed in, trying to start this one off on a new foot forward. They’ve flooded my terrain. Fortunately, like clockwork every year, February hits and all these new faces are gone. Pleased that my wait for the treadmill is no more, I can’t help but have a heavy heart at the death of these new ambitions. What went wrong?

Being a bit of a behavioral science buff, I’ve put quite a bit of thought into these issues. In the case of the abandoned dreams of gym-rats never to be, I think it’s a case of too much too soon. People don’t go from overweight lothario to Usain Bolt overnight. These people are trying to change their diet, start a 6 day a week gym regime, and quit smoking all at once. I know happens next as I’ve been there. In changing everything, the mind and body cannot keep straight with such a massive disruption. Frustration kicks in, an overwhelming feeling casts its ugly shadow, and the mind decides to ditch the new January workout. The newcomers leave the gym, and the treadmill is once again mine.

Change only lasts when it is incremental. One behavior at a time, repeated over and over again, until that behavior is mastered, then onto the next one. It took everything I had and all my focus to quit smoking. Then, once purged of that behavior, I turned my eyes to dieting. As the weight started to come off, and my energy began to build, I then went on to run greater and greater distances. I got a GPS watch, I bought those new running shoes, and next thing you know I’m signing up for a marathon. It is a one step at a time gradual process. So why would one’s dating life be any different? A virgin doesn’t date Victoria’s Secret model solely because they decided that’s their New Year’s resolution (unless that person happens to be an NBA All Star, in which case they can/should stop reading here).  new year resolution. It’s all about managing one’s work load, and today I share with you one of my favorite tactics to tackling any insurmountable task. The simple concept of “Just do one”.

The first task is to identify what the “one” is. Take any grand goal, and think what is the most attainable, simple, singular step towards that goal. For running, it is lacing up those shoes and stepping out the door, period. No distance, no pace, nothing. Just getting outside. So for meeting women, it’s as simple as going out, using one opening line with intent to one girl you’re attracted to. The idea is by doing it once daily,  we can build consistency, and with consistency endurance always follows. Everything builds from there. We also avoid the perils of too much too soon.

I would love for every man to make his way out and approach 10 women every time he’s out to mingle, as it creates the best odds meeting someone to which a romantic encounter will follow. A 10-timer we call it in the biz. One problem though: it’s fucking tough for 99% of men to approach that rigorously. It can be overwhelming, so overwhelming that a man may not go out at all due to its daunting nature. Same with the diet/working/quitting smoking instant overhaul. Our minds can’t handle the overload – the most logical thing to do is quit.  Self-improvement is the accumulation of thousands of tiny changes executed ad nauseum until mastered. Let us be kind to ourselves, and only focus on one small thing at a time. Baby steps

By attempting just one, we set ourselves up for when that moment our mind’s try to quit on our bodies. The brain is a remarkably creative engine, so creative it will come up with a million excuses as to why we should abandon ship when the going gets tough. Too many goals with too many steps triggers this reaction. We defeat those million little voices with 1 singularly focused goal. For running, just run that one block. For dating, just that one girl. Get that down, and now we make the goal 3 girls. After three, maybe it’s time to ask for a phone number. It’s a process that never ends, as is the case for all skills we desire to master. What’s the one thing all these diverse array of skills have in common? They all start with just one step.

Don’t Fly Blind, Have a Strategy

 

The year is 2001, and the stage is the grandest of them all – Superbowl XXXVI. The Rams, a heavy favorite and Superbowl victor the year prior come into the game having steamrolled all competition the entire season. The Patriots, helmed by defensive guru Bill Belichick, just narrowly made it into the game, let alone anyone expecting them to win. Belichick, however has a plan.

What’s interesting about Bill is that he never played professional football, let alone Division 1 in College. He had no professional pedigree to rest upon his laurels. He had to prove his worth over and over again his entire career. This game would prove no exception. Fortunately,  having played the Rams once earlier in the year, Belichick had a new strategy to implement he thought could make all the difference.

The Rams offense started with hall of fame running back Marshall Faulk. He was the most dominant player in the league at the time, and Belichick knew stopping him was the key to a major upset, as it would disrupt the flow of the most prolific offence in the league that year – an offence based on rhythm. The entire week in practice, he had one player in a bright red jersey represent “Faulk”. At nauseum, Belichick would ask his defence “Where is he?” . Never a moment during practice all week would the defence not know where Faulk stood. He was a marked man. He’d be hit every play, made to work for any involvement.  The idea was simple, by cutting off the rams greatest weapon in Marshall Faulk, the mojo of the Rams record setting offence would be thrown array. The Strategy was simple, and every defensive player knew what had to be done to execute it. Come the game, Belichick and the Patriots delivered flawlessly that very strategy, and the would go on to win the superbowl not by talent, but by intelligence. The strategy, well thought out, had succeeded. Exactly as planned.

The goal is to be the Bill Belichick of one’s own night out. Focus in planning and execution is essential for success in anything, and dating is no exception.  A frequent problem with men though is that there is no actionable goal, flying blind for the most part. Often guys simply get drunk and pray for the best. ( Well, technically, I guess this is a strategy, albeit a real shitty one.)

As a result, those men will kind of approach girls, but not really, and the drinks start to add up. Suddenly sloppiness and slurred speech beings to take hold.  Unable to hold a conversation anymore, the man then leaves for home celebrating his failure with an intimate date with his hand. Some men do wisen up, and they start considering different approaches. This is where coaching can come in handy.

One of my main goals in any coaching session is to first evaluate where my student is at, and to then give him a day to day strategy, with clear executable goal that rely purely on effort of the student alone. This is where strategy enter the equation, as a strategy is to be picked depending on what that particular man is attempting to achieve. A man trying to fuck girls in the club bathroom is going to have very different approach to one who has approached a grand total of 4 women in his life, and is just getting acclimated to the idea of cold approach.


For said completely new student, the objective is simple. Open as many women as possible, and stay in said conversation as long as possible. A cold approach is an extremely uncomfortable situation to be in for a man who has never attempted such before. Therefore, the man must get acclimated to it. I therefore prescribe low impact, not as overtly sexual material to use, and example being the psychologist opener. It goes as follows:

“Hey, so I’m a little shy, so my psychology told me I should go meet 5 new people each day. I thought you looked nice. So hi, I’m hook!”

The strategy now set, I may have instill some warm up conversation activities, to get the conversational juices flowing with the door guy or a bartender or such. Then, move onto girls. Opinion routines here will be great, as they tend to get all people engaged and speaking in an innocuous way. Chances of hard negative reaction will be low. The goal is long, warm sets, with conversational material conducive to this. I would not recommend my personal current favorite opening line of “Did we have sex last week?”

 

My main strategy is quite different, as if I’m out, I’m looking to make the action happen that night. For this, I by no needs need everyone girl to like me. I just need to find someone who is the same adventurous mood as myself. I therefore will screen girls with more outlandish aggressive material. A girl who is not in my same frame of mind will leave quite abruptly, but a horny girl looking for a night of fun with know I’m her guy. I’m liberated by my goal to take bigger risks, as any one hard blowout will not affect my end goal of going home with someone. I may proposition someone to join me in the bathroom, which will can abruptly end the conversation I was having, or result in some important one on one time. I’m looking to minimize amount of times spent talking with the not going anywhere sets, and expedite the interested ones.

Establish the goal, the set the strategy get you there.  Bill Belichick’s goal is simple, win the superbowl. His strategies then game to game address how to best defeat those teams, and can go into incredible depth and detail to accomplish such. The strategy, as noted in the opening anecdote, is hammered into the players over and over until it is second nature. Once victory is accomplished, it is on to the next team, to which a whole new strategy may be required.  

When I coach, I always have a goal for the student in mind. What tactics I have that student then use change DRASTICALLY depending on the strategy. I apply this to myself. We only have so many hours in this lifetime, so it’s best to be wise with them. Have a goal, develop a strategy, and execute.

Just Go For It Already

 

My heart was pounding. We had been talking maybe for an hour. I was at the gym. I nearly left. I came back. She nearly left. She came back. After a seeming eternity of this odd cat and mouse game, I decided I couldn’t look myself in the mirror if I didn’t go for it…

I asked for her phone number… and she gave it to me. My first ever # close. I was so blown away I never even called the girl.

This was probably 8 year ago, and the concept of a girl giving me her # was completely far out. I honestly couldn’t imagine what getting a phone number would look like. It was the nerve racking experience of vulnerability that petrified me. It took me about a year after my first phone # to go for my second.  The second go around, however, was far different circumstances.

I had started going out to the local bars with Andreas, a new friend of mine.The concept of approaching girls had become a brand new concept to my life, and I was not good. I could at least get an opener out, which was good enough for Andreas, a man more seasoned than me. We would wing each in large groups of girls. After we’d get out of the set, I turn to him and say

Well, that went alright”.

He’d respond,

yeah, I think so, I’m gonna text her to meet up later”.

“Woah woah woah” I retort. “You got her phone number? How?”

In what is still a moment crystallized permanently into my brain, he answers…

“I asked”.

With my live students, it happens all the time. The interaction goes well, the girl is smiling, and maybe even a phone number is exchanged. They come back to me, I give them a high five, and I then give me input.   

“My man, I think she was down to make out. You should have gone for it.”

This always catches them off guard. Cue an incredulous shocked looked on my students face.

“No way” they’ll respond. But I Say nay!  

With one recurring student of mine, he can remember 15 occasions we had this exchange. Of those 15, he thought maybe 5 could have actually been of actually been makeouts. I then laugh, and tell him of Andreas. It brings me to a favorite mantra of mine.

When is comes to closing, just go for it. Always, especially when in doubt.

The wisdom behind the story of Andreas was that by getting so many numbers, he knew instinctively when a girl was ready to give one to him. At that time I lacked the experiential reservoir to understand such a thing. How did I build it? By going for the close, always.

Beauty in simplicity. By always going for the close, I shifted my mind from, “Their is no way she will give me this phone number” to “I wonder if she is ready now give it up. Let’s find out.” Inherent to this attitude is a confidence, a small perspective shift that will rework your mind over the course of 1000 approaches. Suddenly, I find myself priming the girl for the close. I walk her into it, trying to optimize the engagement for success. Other times, I flat out went for phone number/makeout/pull and succeeded blindly. Some girls are fucking ninja’s at hiding attraction. How do you get with them? By just going for it.

Yes, sometimes you will be completely fall on your face. That is alright. The thick skin that will be built up from all of this rejection. Soon you will begin to get more successful with your advances, then, and more importantly, you will start to understand why you succeeded.

Lastly, remember:

“You miss 100% of the shot you don’t take”

– Wayne Gretsky

Be Wayne Gretsky with your dick.

 

The Four Commandments of Halloweens Costumes

Halloween came and past, meaning if you live stateside at least, your bore witness to the best collective excuse for every girl to dress their sluttiest, putting on their skimpiest outfit in the name of a grand societal role play. I personally love it. That said, why should he girls get to have all the fun? In my best attempt to fight back for gender equality, I’ve always been one to use a Halloween to dress in ways to maximize my sex appeal. That said, I achieve it in a little less traditional way than all the hot babes of the world. Before I get into this past years Halloween, I’ll give you a  little history with me and the holiday.

Before I even heard of The Game, seduction, or anything remotely resembling dating literature,  I was a young un freshman in College. My game at the time, or lack thereof, was reflected in my youth a naivete to the world of male female relationships (Let us put it this way, I legitimately owned and wore more than one pair of cargo pants).

Halloween night came about and I was without a costume. Trying to cobble something together, I turned to one of the females on my dorm floor for assistance. “Oh, we can dress you as a women” she tells me, not batting an eye. An hour later, I had my skirt, my purse, my tank top stuffed to give me some knockers. Now, to paint the appropriate picture, I’m 6’ 3”, broad shouldered, and have a big hooked nose. I was a butt ugly women. That didn’t matter. That night, in full drag, a hot 19 year old dressed as a hippie took me back to her dorm, it was the first, and only girl, I would sleep with that semester. I suppose it was also my first and only lesbian experience as well.

I had stumbled upon something that I could not comprehend at the time. I owned my obnoxious ugly women outfit, to the point where real women took notice. It would take me years, and thousands of women spoken too to understand and master what I accidently made happen that night. Fortunately for all my dear readers, I will summarize my findings for you. Let’s fast forward to this past weekend.

The outfit: Sexy Lumberjack. What is a sexy lumberjack you may ask? Well, I bought a cheap pair of jeans and a flannel shirt from old navy (Savings!). I then went to town with a pair of scissors. The pants became hot pants, meaning I cut them to just below boxy brief length. I was showing A LOT of leg. The shirt I cut off just past my elbow, then rolled up the sleeve in a more traditional lumberjack fashion. I next threw on my pair of timberland boots which, me wearing a size 15 shoe, are massive (a showpiece for me). I had blue suspenders, and kept my shirt mostly unbuttoned for the evening, chest hair out for the whole world to see. The last of the accessories included a plastic axe for sexing wood chopping, and a traditional lumberjack beanie. Finally, I kept my normal facial hair which, being a mustache and soul patch, looked lumberjack enough.

The end result of this outfit was, literally everywhere I walk, people would notice, and giggle. Many people approached me. A group of tourists took my outfit as an opening to ask for directions (Who said New Yorkers were standoffish??) It was quite jarring. A man as large as me showing off that much leg sticks out like a thumb, but in an obvious way that everyone knew what I was going for.

With my ridiculous sexy outfit, opening becomes the simplest thing in the world. I would walk up to a girl and say “Hello, [insert slutty girl outfit here]”. Why? If done right, the outfit will speak volumes for your personality with its inherent outlandishness/meticulousness/boldness. A high impact then is no longer needed, as you are accomplishing that with the costume.

I was also able to use my outfit to create specific routines for the situation at hand, an insta-routine if you will. In a broad sense, it’s taking that something specific to the moment you are in, and having material you can run over and over again on people who are also sharing in the specificity of that moment. This can be props, events attended (think baseball game) holiday specific, ect ect. In the case of Halloween, I was able to build some routines around my outfit. When girls would comment about my costume in any capacity, I responded “I’m a sexy lumberjack, watch how I chop wood”. I would then take me ax out and sexily chop wood. For all you curious minds out there, a sexy wood entails a lot of hip thrusting, and treating the imaginary lumber like a girl I’m having sex with from behind.

In my case on Halloween, I approached a girl with a blue sparkling wig, and said, “Nice hair, maybe we should trade costumes”. She looks me up and down at this point, and observes the absurdity mixed with boldness of my outfit. She was in New York for, originally from German, and I’d spend the night at her hotel.

So, why do these obnoxious outfits of mine work?

First, and the most importantly, is that it looks fun. At the end of the day, girls just want to have fun. They take a look at me, and I scream I enjoy having a good time. I can just be standing still and it is still sub communicated. Every girl, when out, whether on Halloween, or any random night in a bar, just wants a break from the trials and difficulties of everyday life. By looking like a good time, the girls will think that being around is going to be entertaining, and they’ll want in.

Secondly, the obnoxiousness of my outfit shows I don’t mind all eyes on me, and that I don’t mind the judgment of the lame boring people of the world. There are guys I encounter out dressed like this that will be judgmental (most likely do to their own insecurities, but alas it doesn’t matter). Fortunately for me, I’ve been at it long enough that I’m unfazed. I had one memorable interaction.

I had approached a rather gorgeous blonde, and she was enjoying her interaction with the Sexy Lumberjack. Half way through a guy comes over and goes, “Hey gay lumberjack” I respond, “Well, its a sexy lumberjack, but I could see how your confused” he then falls back to “Yeah, gay lumberjack”.

Now, I have a jealous BF/wannabe BF/orbiter friend/whatever on my hands. I figure out pretty quickly that he’s threatened, hence trying to out alpha me. Pretty standard stuff, and I simply respond.

“Yeah, flamingly gay lumberjack. Dicks come out at midnight”.

He doesn’t have anything to say after that. Most guys don’t have any game, and can’t handle anything resembling a solid retort. He was flabbergasted by a very simple, classic absurdification. But herein lies the other factor of dressing ridiculous for Halloween, by dressing in a very in your face style, I am welcoming judgment from all, be negative men who perceive me as a threat or hot girls who are suddenly curious. It’s the flip side of the coin; you’ve got to take the good with the bad. The dirty secret is the bad (guys try to put me down, other misc BS), really isn’t that bad.

Alas, I leave you with some rules to abide by for your next year. Drumroll please…

The Four Commandments of Halloween

  1. Thou Shall Show One’s Face: Show off the money maker! No masks, and no overly complicated makeup (Eye shadow can be good, but nothing that completely covers it all up) A girl needs to see your face to sleep with you. Period. Gotta give something for somebody to get seduced by, and we don’t want too much distraction.
  2. Thou Shall Not Get Too Cute: Simplicity is key. A complete stranger should be able to recognize at a glance what you are. The only exception to this is if you have a costume for a niche audience. If you are in that category, that niche audience should flock to you and tell you how awesome the outfit is. If not, its nixed.
  3. Though Shall Show off One’s Best Physical Assets: Show off your best physical assets. I got big feet, broad shoulders, and a big butt. My Sexy Lumberjack oufit highlighted these.
  4. The Shalt Roll Play: For evening, you are the character you dress as. Have some fun with it.

Halloween is an opportunity to take the collective idea of “Dressing up in silly costume” and using it to your advantage. Above is a case study for a successful time, and hope when October 31st comes rolling around next year, you have as much fun as myself.