My heart was pounding. We had been talking maybe for an hour. I was at the gym. I nearly left. I came back. She nearly left. She came back. After a seeming eternity of this odd cat and mouse game, I decided I couldn’t look myself in the mirror if I didn’t go for it…
I asked for her phone number… and she gave it to me. My first ever # close. I was so blown away I never even called the girl.
This was probably 8 year ago, and the concept of a girl giving me her # was completely far out. I honestly couldn’t imagine what getting a phone number would look like. It was the nerve racking experience of vulnerability that petrified me. It took me about a year after my first phone # to go for my second. The second go around, however, was far different circumstances.
I had started going out to the local bars with Andreas, a new friend of mine.The concept of approaching girls had become a brand new concept to my life, and I was not good. I could at least get an opener out, which was good enough for Andreas, a man more seasoned than me. We would wing each in large groups of girls. After we’d get out of the set, I turn to him and say
“Well, that went alright”.
“yeah, I think so, I’m gonna text her to meet up later”.
“Woah woah woah” I retort. “You got her phone number? How?”
In what is still a moment crystallized permanently into my brain, he answers…
With my live students, it happens all the time. The interaction goes well, the girl is smiling, and maybe even a phone number is exchanged. They come back to me, I give them a high five, and I then give me input.
“My man, I think she was down to make out. You should have gone for it.”
This always catches them off guard. Cue an incredulous shocked looked on my students face.
“No way” they’ll respond. But I Say nay!
With one recurring student of mine, he can remember 15 occasions we had this exchange. Of those 15, he thought maybe 5 could have actually been of actually been makeouts. I then laugh, and tell him of Andreas. It brings me to a favorite mantra of mine.
When is comes to closing, just go for it. Always, especially when in doubt.
The wisdom behind the story of Andreas was that by getting so many numbers, he knew instinctively when a girl was ready to give one to him. At that time I lacked the experiential reservoir to understand such a thing. How did I build it? By going for the close, always.
Beauty in simplicity. By always going for the close, I shifted my mind from, “Their is no way she will give me this phone number” to “I wonder if she is ready now give it up. Let’s find out.” Inherent to this attitude is a confidence, a small perspective shift that will rework your mind over the course of 1000 approaches. Suddenly, I find myself priming the girl for the close. I walk her into it, trying to optimize the engagement for success. Other times, I flat out went for phone number/makeout/pull and succeeded blindly. Some girls are fucking ninja’s at hiding attraction. How do you get with them? By just going for it.
Yes, sometimes you will be completely fall on your face. That is alright. The thick skin that will be built up from all of this rejection. Soon you will begin to get more successful with your advances, then, and more importantly, you will start to understand why you succeeded.
“You miss 100% of the shot you don’t take”
– Wayne Gretsky
Be Wayne Gretsky with your dick.