Don’t Fly Blind, Have a Strategy


The year is 2001, and the stage is the grandest of them all – Superbowl XXXVI. The Rams, a heavy favorite and Superbowl victor the year prior come into the game having steamrolled all competition the entire season. The Patriots, helmed by defensive guru Bill Belichick, just narrowly made it into the game, let alone anyone expecting them to win. Belichick, however has a plan.

What’s interesting about Bill is that he never played professional football, let alone Division 1 in College. He had no professional pedigree to rest upon his laurels. He had to prove his worth over and over again his entire career. This game would prove no exception. Fortunately,  having played the Rams once earlier in the year, Belichick had a new strategy to implement he thought could make all the difference.

The Rams offense started with hall of fame running back Marshall Faulk. He was the most dominant player in the league at the time, and Belichick knew stopping him was the key to a major upset, as it would disrupt the flow of the most prolific offence in the league that year – an offence based on rhythm. The entire week in practice, he had one player in a bright red jersey represent “Faulk”. At nauseum, Belichick would ask his defence “Where is he?” . Never a moment during practice all week would the defence not know where Faulk stood. He was a marked man. He’d be hit every play, made to work for any involvement.  The idea was simple, by cutting off the rams greatest weapon in Marshall Faulk, the mojo of the Rams record setting offence would be thrown array. The Strategy was simple, and every defensive player knew what had to be done to execute it. Come the game, Belichick and the Patriots delivered flawlessly that very strategy, and the would go on to win the superbowl not by talent, but by intelligence. The strategy, well thought out, had succeeded. Exactly as planned.

The goal is to be the Bill Belichick of one’s own night out. Focus in planning and execution is essential for success in anything, and dating is no exception.  A frequent problem with men though is that there is no actionable goal, flying blind for the most part. Often guys simply get drunk and pray for the best. ( Well, technically, I guess this is a strategy, albeit a real shitty one.)

As a result, those men will kind of approach girls, but not really, and the drinks start to add up. Suddenly sloppiness and slurred speech beings to take hold.  Unable to hold a conversation anymore, the man then leaves for home celebrating his failure with an intimate date with his hand. Some men do wisen up, and they start considering different approaches. This is where coaching can come in handy.

One of my main goals in any coaching session is to first evaluate where my student is at, and to then give him a day to day strategy, with clear executable goal that rely purely on effort of the student alone. This is where strategy enter the equation, as a strategy is to be picked depending on what that particular man is attempting to achieve. A man trying to fuck girls in the club bathroom is going to have very different approach to one who has approached a grand total of 4 women in his life, and is just getting acclimated to the idea of cold approach.

For said completely new student, the objective is simple. Open as many women as possible, and stay in said conversation as long as possible. A cold approach is an extremely uncomfortable situation to be in for a man who has never attempted such before. Therefore, the man must get acclimated to it. I therefore prescribe low impact, not as overtly sexual material to use, and example being the psychologist opener. It goes as follows:

“Hey, so I’m a little shy, so my psychology told me I should go meet 5 new people each day. I thought you looked nice. So hi, I’m hook!”

The strategy now set, I may have instill some warm up conversation activities, to get the conversational juices flowing with the door guy or a bartender or such. Then, move onto girls. Opinion routines here will be great, as they tend to get all people engaged and speaking in an innocuous way. Chances of hard negative reaction will be low. The goal is long, warm sets, with conversational material conducive to this. I would not recommend my personal current favorite opening line of “Did we have sex last week?”


My main strategy is quite different, as if I’m out, I’m looking to make the action happen that night. For this, I by no needs need everyone girl to like me. I just need to find someone who is the same adventurous mood as myself. I therefore will screen girls with more outlandish aggressive material. A girl who is not in my same frame of mind will leave quite abruptly, but a horny girl looking for a night of fun with know I’m her guy. I’m liberated by my goal to take bigger risks, as any one hard blowout will not affect my end goal of going home with someone. I may proposition someone to join me in the bathroom, which will can abruptly end the conversation I was having, or result in some important one on one time. I’m looking to minimize amount of times spent talking with the not going anywhere sets, and expedite the interested ones.

Establish the goal, the set the strategy get you there.  Bill Belichick’s goal is simple, win the superbowl. His strategies then game to game address how to best defeat those teams, and can go into incredible depth and detail to accomplish such. The strategy, as noted in the opening anecdote, is hammered into the players over and over until it is second nature. Once victory is accomplished, it is on to the next team, to which a whole new strategy may be required.  

When I coach, I always have a goal for the student in mind. What tactics I have that student then use change DRASTICALLY depending on the strategy. I apply this to myself. We only have so many hours in this lifetime, so it’s best to be wise with them. Have a goal, develop a strategy, and execute.


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