I recently acquired a fancy GPS running watch – A Fitbit Surge. It includes a heart rate monitor and a GPS. It tells me how fast I’m running and even buzzes every mile informing my mileage time. When my run is over, it conveniently exports into my computer where I can look at my pace and heart rate per mile. Tomorrow I will do the same, and see if my kale smoothie breakfast affects the numbers. Soon I’ll have a mountain of data, and I can experiment further. Will a pre workout supplement improve my times? Maybe I’m better running in the morning than in the evenings. I plan to start messing around with Heart Rate training to build my endurance. I’ve gotten pretty far with the lace-up the shoes and go model of running. I want to improve though, and do so efficiently. By monitoring the statistics, and can confidently work towards hitting target marathon time come November. Knowledge is power!!!
What does this have to do with dating? Well, the metrics part of my training I borrowed from my dating life. I experienced the biggest improvement when I kept track of my personal stats. (Math nerds, this post is for you.)
Like with my distances ran, I would keep track of how many women I approached in a given month. The goal being to approach at least 30 women with intent. By intent, I mean someone I actually wanted to go on a date with. This gave me a baseline, and was a measure completely in my control. Next, I put my engineering degree to use. (Finally!) Of those 30 approaches, I tracked the outcomes. What does a positive interaction with a women look like? Well, a phone number, a make-out, a date, doing the hanky panky, or simply a nice long conversation(greater than 5 minutes). Anything really that looking back can be measured works.
There were several benefits to this. First, I was kept accountable to take action 30 times month. Once rolling, I would well surpass my goal, never coming up short. My clients regularly surpass this number in a single day during a one-on-one coaching session, so one month is completely reasonable. I found people to keep me accountable to this as well, and made my efforts known outside myself in some form. A good buddy with the same goal could do this for you. The point of all this is accountability, which is essential development of any new skill.
Suddenly, once I hit 30, I have numbers that gave me an overview of how the month went. The first month being a baseline, I now could see improvement at a glance. Each subsequent month I would work on one aspect of myself, and I could measure the improvement in my dating life. If something didn’t work I dropped it. It became a self-experiment. Did those new boots and fancy leather jacket help? Perhaps a mustached would be good for me (For all of you curious out there yes. Yes! It was.) The bottom line to all of this was I saw the improvement, and could monitor what worked and what didn’t
The beauty of metrics such as these is that they eliminate the deadliest sin to one’s psyche, comparing yourself to others. I made the process all about me. I celebrated my wins, meditated upon my losses, and chugged away until one day all my goals had been met. You should do the same.